Grumps About Frumps

A few days ago, my friend and I were discussing very important topics such as sweating and choosing paint colors.  Somewhere in between the exchanged intellect, we stumbled upon the subject of clothing and how much confidence women derive from what they wear.  This got me thinking about "frumpy moms".  If you have never heard that phrase before, you have probably never hung around moms for more than thirty minutes.  The phrase is bound to reach the surface of conversation.  


According to my good friend Dictionary.com, the definition of "frumpy" is 

frumpy or frumpish  (ˈfrʌmpɪ, ˈfrʌmpɪʃ)
— adj
	(of a woman, clothes, etc) dowdy, drab, or unattractive I hear "frumpy mom" used in sentences such as: *(In response to a clothing compliment)"Thanks!  Don't want to be a frumpy mom!" *"No need to look like a frumpy mom, you know?" *"Ugh, I just feel like a frumpy mom." It's apparently the worst of the worst.  No one wants to be a frumpy mom.  But my question is why?  What is so, so terrible about not being up to date with the latest fashion while you are raising children?   This should be the most forgiving season of life when it comes to being trendy.  You are raising small human beings who poop on themselves, sling yogurt at your face, and always end up with something sticky in their hair.  Why would I want to spend time putting on face foundation when my toddler is going to wipe with banana fingers on my cheek?  Or wear an adorable shirt when it's guaranteed my little boy will want to be picked up when he is filthy from playing outside?  Or wear heels when I am chasing around a tiny person all. day. long.? This past weekend we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant and I was observing the crowd around me.  With this "frumpy" subject on my mind, I spotted a women who would most likely be labeled with the Frump Card.  I watched her interact with her family and friends and guess what?  She was confident, seemingly satisfied, and most importantly showed love and affection to her children who were sitting with her.  I'm pretty sure she was not about to fall off the face of the earth because of her "dowdy, drab, or unattractive" outfit.   It seemed as if her ability as a mom was not crumbling due to her clothes.  I'm not sure what women think will happen if they become "frumpy".  Maybe they will transform into an alien with three more sets of arms (which would actually be a miraculous asset in raising multiple children). Or better yet, maybe they will curl up in a permanent ball and only be able to somersault wherever they want to go.  Or who knows, maybe frumpy moms wake up with a tattoo covering their entire body saying "I will never be as good of a mom as you because your garments are better than mine"... in greek, because that's trendy these days. I am not saying I do not struggle with wanting to look cute.  I do.  Way more so than I wish to admit.  But I do not want to live in fear of this lurking invisible monster that eats your fashionable wardrobe and turns you into the dreaded "frumpy mom".  That monster is not real.  However, I kind of wish that monster existed simply to give us all a reality check of what is important.   I am not saying we should all strive for frump, but maybe we should become a little less concerned with whether we are frumpy moms or not.   So here is my tribute to those moms who care more about other things than their clothes.  Thank you for setting an example that outfits don't matter, fashion fades, and time is better spent with people than in front of the mirror or  digging through your closet.  Thank you for showing me that lacking in the cute department does not mean you are neglecting yourself as a woman and as a mom... I am pretty sure you still brush your teeth and wash your armpits.  Thank you for finding your confidence elsewhere that appearance.  Even if you don't realize you are not in fashion because you are completely oblivious to societal trends, that's a rare gem that would benefit us all.

Settling into Marriage

-I'm about to hang up this frame. *drill in hand*

-Wait!  Where are you going to put it?? 

-I don't know.  Probably right here.  That's what we talked about.

-Yea, but I'm not totally sure that's where I want it.  

-Right, but I'm tired of the frame sitting out on the table.

-I know, I just need to think more about exactly where I want it.  

-I'm going to put it on the wall today or it goes in the attic.

-No!  I don't want it in the attic... I just don't know where I want it yet.

-*Big sigh* 

-Ok, that's fine we can put it here.  

-Great.  *Begins putting drill up to wall*

-Wait!!  Are we sure that's centered?  

-Yep.

-But is it too high?  

-Not everything needs to be low.

-I know but I don't want it too high.

-*Drill in wall*

-Wait, wait, wait... is that level?  

-Yes, it's level.

-Are you sure? 

-*Sigh* what do you think?

-.... Yea, it looks pretty level to me.  

-Great.

-Thanks for putting that up.

-No problem....  Now it's time for the bulletin board.  

-Wait!  Where are you going to put it??

And the cycle continues.  

Putting a home together is a great way to learn more about your spouse.  Otha and I have had the lovely opportunity to see our different personalities clash, stretch, and surrender to the other over the past few months.  Unlike Otha, I looove taking time to think about where I want each and every item placed in our home until I am 100% confident.  The problem is I am rarely 100% confident in a decision.  So until I am absolutely sure, stuff sits in piles around the house.  Otha hates piles.  Piles taunt him as a constant reminder that he cannot fully relax because projects await him.  Nails need to hammered, pictures need to be hung, furniture needs to be painted.  I, on the other hand, love nestling amongst the piles knowing that there is such potential for home.  The more I sit with the piles, the more excited I get.  A part of me withers when an item departs from the pile to go on the wall prematurely.  From then on, I can't help but think the item belonged somewhere else, in a different position, hung in a different way.  Don't worry- I am well aware how ridiculous I am.

Thanks to Otha's need for piles to disappear, however, we are almost completely settled in to our home.   I am learning to appreciate these parts of Otha that sometimes drive me crazy.  What I may initially see as a negative trait, more often then not that characteristic turns out to benefit our family.  I am consistently reminded that God truly created Otha and I as opposites in the best way.  Although it sounds cliche, Otha's strengths are my weaknesses and his weaknesses are my strengths.  In the moment communication seems impossible,  our interactions are frustrating, but over time I see the perfect fit of our craziness resulting in balance.  We make a great team when we surrender to the other.

With that, I raise my glass to two years of marriage.  Two years of learning, failing, laughing, crying, fighting, surrendering, and loving each other in the best ways that we know how.  I am deeply thankful to the Lord for giving me Otha Graham to lead our family.  Even when he hangs things on the wall prematurely.

June 12, 2012  Two Year Anniversary

And of course our offspring:

The Miracle

Since I mentioned in the last post that we were hoping for a miracle to pay for our A/C replacement, I figured I should give an update.  Ladies and Gentlemen- we have a miracle.

Saturday I was desperately trying to crunch numbers, weigh all of our options, and continuing to beg God to show His provision.  Otha could tell I was in thinking mode simply due to my furrowed forehead all morning.  Finally, Otha informed me at 1:40pm that I had until 2:00pm to think/be far, far away in my brain and then I needed to return to reality.  To be present.  *I am so thankful for my husband!*  The best solution I could come up with to sort out my thoughts was to call my dad.  He is wise and my parents handle money really well.  So I poured out all my thoughts to him over the phone and he helped me come up with a few possibilities to come up with $6500 in the next week with as little interest penalty/debt as possible.  By 2:00 I was ready to move forward with some ideas and felt a tad bit more at ease.  However I still felt the weight of having to pay off this huge expense over the upcoming months along with somehow paying for other house expenses like our broken water heater.

Maybe an hour and a half later, my parents called.  They informed me that there was money left from my Gramps after he died several years ago.  In fact, they had been trying to figure out the right time to gift us with $10,000.  That's right, $10,000.  For some of you that may be a small portion of what you have in savings or even your checking account.  But for us, it felt like winning the lottery.  I felt completely overwhelmed and once again absolutely blown away by how God provides.  I had been praying all week that God would either fix our A/C or flat out give us the money to fix it.  Then our comgroup prayed for His provision in this area also.  It seems crazy to pray for God to fix your A/C.  But it seems ten thousand times crazier to not pray for that and then miss out on how He wants to show His power.  I am filled with awe and joy.

Not only is it great to see God blow us away with such a surprise gift, but this has also made Otha and I feel more connected to and thankful for my Nana and Gramps.  We are thankful for the way they chose to love future generations.  This gets us excited to also invest in future generations spiritually, financially, and any other way that God calls us to leave a kingdom legacy that can be built upon.

So that's that.  We prayed.  God provided.

Our New Normal

Since we have moved, I feel that my life is completely different.  Yet Otha still goes to his same job, groceries still need to be purchased, and Asher still needs to be taken care of.  My environment has just changed.

We are currently sleeping in the garage apartment since we had a surprise delay of floor installation in the main house.  Thus our kitchen and living room are functional while the rest of the house waits to be completed.  When we found out very last minute that the floors would not be installed until June, I was pretty frustrated.  Of course people told me "there is probably a reason that the floors won't be in yet".  And of course I wanted to roll my eyes and say "Nope, not this time. No reason for this ridiculous, inconvenient circumstance".  Yet here I am so thankful that we are not yet fully living in the house.  Why?  Oh, because our A/C quit working the night we moved everything from our apartment to our house.  In fact, our whole A/C system apparently needs to be replaced.  So in the meantime we are sleeping in the garage apartment with a fully functional window unit.  So thankful!  *Not thankful that our A/C has completely died, but thankful that we did not move all our stuff and ourselves into a steaming hot house.

Our friends the Marions also moved in this week into one of our bedrooms.  They, on the other hand, are sweating it out in the house being absolute champs about it.  Luckily they are some of the most low maintenance roommates and have not slapped us in the face for inviting them to live with us in a sana.

We are hoping for a miracle and also trying to figure out where to go from here.  Apparently replacing an entire A/C unit is equivalent in cost to adopting a child domestically.  So expensive.  Today we will have a second opinion and we will continue expecting and knowing that God will provide for us in one way or another.  He always does and I am always delighted to see how He does it.  We are confident that He wanted us to buy this house, so we are confident that he is not blown away that our A/C is broken and wants us to learn more about him through this.

A few more initiations into home ownership include a water heater not working, Asher's poop that was flushed in the garage apartment showing up in the main house toilet, and installation fees for basically everything.  The adventure has begun.

I have also started cloth diapers this week.  I. Hate. Asher's. Poop.  On. Cloth.  HATE, I tell you.  Trying to scrape it off into the toilet without a sprayer or diaper liner resulted in poop on my hands, Asher biting my arm while I was kneeling, and me leaving the diaper insert in the toilet for hours.  Sick. Thankfully I have my diaper hero, Courtney Stasny, who provided a sprayer AND liners for us to use while I adjust to this new world.

On a positive note:  we have a washer and dryer.  After going to the laundry mat for two years dragging my pregnant belly and then out-of-the-womb child with me, I am SO, SO thankful for a washer and dryer.  I want to wash everything, all the time, because I can.  Wash, wash, wash.

So that's the Graham update.  New house, new expenses, new adventures.  Loving it.

Pine Sol for the Heart

This Friday I am hosting a clothes swap at our apartment.  Due to the size of our apartment in comparison to other people's dwellings, we usually do not host events here.  Sure, we love having people over, but to cram 25 people in here is not ideal.  Suffocation Station.  But for this occasion I thought "Why not?".  If we are aiming to simplify anyway, it should not be a big deal to swap some clothes in our living room.  This means moving around some furniture.

You see, when furniture is nicely nestled in its spot for two years, little friends named Dusty and Bugsby love to camp out underneath.  Then they invite their friends... Moth Wingly, Crumbalina,  Shedded Hairin, the whole gang.  They play and play, stick together, invite more friends until it's the biggest party under couch #3 this living room has ever seen.  I have to admit, I have murdered their friends with a broom as they made their way to the party.  I have even plotted a massacre of the actual sha-bang.  But due to laziness, a list of other things to occupy my time while Asher is sleeping, and general distain for the posse partying under my couch, I had yet to make a move.  However, today was the day.  Sorry Dusty and Bugsby, but you have overstayed your welcome.

Once I recovered from the size of the hairballs (which I can in no way blame on our invisible pet, only our own shedding), the number of deceased insects, and the unidentifiable crumbs, I went to town sweeping and mopping.  It truly is not a matter of me not deep cleaning in general.  I value cleanliness even slightly above tidiness and am consistently scrubbing counters, dusting, etc to attain true cleanliness.  Our apartment appears to be fairly put together.  But sometimes you need to move the furniture to see the real mess.  I cannot express how refreshing it feels to know that allergens are no longer hiding under our couches and there are no more bugs lurking in ignored places.

This is what I feel is going on inside of me right now.   In the past month, God has been doing a deep, deep cleaning, moving aside the habits that have been nestled in place.  He is revealing the gross sin that so easily crept in and grew over time.  Reading the book "7" has challenged me to face my sin of over-consumption of most things in life, wastefulness, being disconnected from the poor, and not being a good steward of creation.  When God pushed my daily routine to the side, I did not need a magnifying glass to see these hidden defaults.  Although the first glance can be overwhelming, God has been gracious and patient as I pick up the broom and begin sweeping.  But it doesn't stop there.  There needs to be mopping, scrubbing, a resealing of the work he is doing.  Unlike most times God begins to transform my darkness though, I am truly excited about this remodeling of my life.  He did not use guilt, he used a sweet calling me over to a path of more abundant life.  How can I not be excited?

I usually do not recommend books... mainly because when other people recommend Jesus-y books I intentionally do not read the book.  Sinful and rebellious, I know.  Working on that one and I will try not to be a jerk if you recommend a book to me.  But seriously people, the book "7" by Jen Hatmaker has been challenging and hit close to home simply because I am a middle class American.  Another confession besides my disdain for recommended books, is that I read the back cover of "7" and thought "Great, this will affirm how we are already living our life."  So very prideful.  Sure, some of the things Jen fasts from are not a huge struggle for our family.  But other chapters I could not ignore the truth that I have been running away from.  Thank you to my dear friend Lindsey for being thoughtful and generous in giving me this book, for God has used it to do a much needed cleansing.

Moving Right Along...

So our offer was accepted Tuesday and our closing day is May 1st.

I am still in awe of the past week and trying to process everything the Lord has done in us.

By the time our 2 year anniversary comes, we will have bought 2 cars, a house, and had a baby.  I am not sure if that should be labeled "efficient" or "crazy".  Either way, God has provided immensely in all of those situations and we are consistently overwhelmed by him.

As if buying a house is not enough, we are opening back up to fostering.  I emailed the lady in charge of a local fostering agency and it was perfect timing.  She is hosting an orientation on Sunday (which we have already attended one) at which they will decide the schedule for the next set of training classes to get certified.  Also, I had been emailing back and forth with another young woman that we met at our orientation back in the fall.  My last email to her had been November 1st and I had not received a reply.  Weird, but no big deal.  She emailed me out of the blue last week asking if we had taken training classes yet because they are wanting to get certified now.  So who knows, we might end up getting certified with them!  How fun!


It has been way too long since I have posted pictures of Asher.  He is too cute to not share with the world:

Classic Asher smile

Little farmer boy

Our new favorite game, funny every time.

The True Adventure Takes a Turn

Where to begin??  How about "we just put an offer down to buy a house in Bryan, Tx"?

I have so many things to say, yet speechless all at the same time.  

My dear friend Tara put it well:  This is a total 180, haha, and that is typically what happens in your life before you do something. Otha moving back from Morocco, having a baby...I have to say that I kind of love it. I know it keeps you on your toes and sometimes you don't love it, but that's what living in God's plan is about. Him, not us. And His plan always turns out perfectly. Like marriage and Asher.

Amen Tara, I could not have said it better myself. 


Like I said a week ago, we were looking into going overseas.  Monday, Otha came home from staff development day at the new high school excited about a fresh environment if we end up staying.  I must confess- that was confusing.  Otha is excited about maybe staying here.  I am at a place where I could move.  So Tuesday, we got a pretty clear answer from the Lord that we are not going to participate in the opportunity that was in front of us to move abroad.  This made us pay more attention to Otha's revival of patience with living in Bryan.  

While this is all happening, Otha sees a house for sale right down the street.  $55,000 my friends for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath foreclosure house.  We laugh about how crazy it would be if we bought it.  Then we laughed about how crazy it would be if we passed up an opportunity to see the inside of a huge house for such a cheap price.  Friday we meet the realtor at the house and it happened to be sold the day before.  No big deal, move on with our lives, right?  No.  Seeing this house inspired us to look at other foreclosures in the area.  Foreclosures are on housing websites.  Housing websites have other houses on them that are not foreclosures.  Thus we found ourselves looking at non-foreclosure houses.  

Saturday we ventured out with little man and my parents to look at some of the houses- all of them were terrible.  So later in the afternoon, my gracious parents stayed with Asher while he napped and Otha and I set out to conquer the rest of the list.  Before we drove away, we prayed that God would just make it so very obvious to us whether we should buy a house or not.  The first house we came to we adored.  Both of us.  If you have not gotten a clue about how big of a deal it is for Otha and I to love the same thing at the same time- IT'S BIG.  Everything about the house, the yard, the attached apartment, the neighborhood, just made sense to us.  So I gave the realtor a call just to see if we could schedule a showing this week.  "You are at the house right now?  I will call my assistant to come meet you and show you the inside."

I will spare you details of how we adored the inside just as much as the outside.  Adored.

Blah blah blah looked at the rest of the houses on our list, hated them blah blah blah.  

"Should we seriously consider buying this house?" <----- our conversation the remainder of Saturday.  We both felt peaceful about it, not intertwined with my normal emotional response to situations.  

Sunday, the teaching at church hit super close to home for both of us.  It reminded us that we should be filled with the Spirit, not fear.  You should just listen to the teaching.  Seriously.  http://comchurch.com/Home.aspx

I was fearful of commitment, if we spent money on the house not having money for adoption, etc...

Otha was fearful of never leaving Bryan.

Moving forward towards buying this house was moving forward in giving our fears to the Lord and following the Spirit in obedience to where God has us.  

Today we were pre-approved for a loan and put an offer on the house.  We are waiting with peaceful hope.  Sweet, peaceful hope.  I cannot express to you the relief that comes knowing you are walking in obedience.  Sure, we will be disappointed if our offer is not accepted.  But more than that we will walk away either empty handed or with a house key knowing we are free from our fears and God has used the past week to free us.  Praise God, for He is so, so good to us.