The Words of Christmas Cards

One aspect of Christmas I enjoy at my parents' house is reading all of their Christmas cards from friends.  These pieces of paper came in the mail and have original, personal sentences all over them telling of the past year in each person's life.  Love them.   I can appreciate the new, fun trend of a Christmas card just having pictures on them with a fun jingle of a sentence, like "happy holidays!".  The pictures are always adorable and the cards super fun and festive.  However, I feel like the tradition of writing Christmas cards is something of the past and I want to revive it!  This makes me sound old fashioned.  But there is something precious to me about reading first hand how someone's year was from their point of view.  A picture of smiling faces in color coordinated outfits does not capture the ups and downs, heartaches and celebrations, struggles and successes of 365 days.  My dad would create fun cards each year like crossword puzzles, quizzes, and poems to portray our year as a family.  Each year I would wait in anticipation to see what he created for our family card.  Although I have heard the argument that technology keeps you plugged in enough throughout the year that you don't need to read about someone's year, I beg to argue that technology should apply even more-so to pictures.  Or "a picture speaks a thousand words"... yes, BUT there are so many words unsaid that a picture cannot communicate.  No judgement to everyone who did a picture Christmas card; we did one last year.  I  am just a sucker for words.

So here is my version of our "would-be" Christmas card if stamps weren't so expensive and it was not already 2 days before Christmas...

Deck the halls with paint and pictures fa la la la la, la la la la
Fix the holes and old light fixtures fa la la la la, la la la la

Moving boxes, replacing floors fa la la, la la la, la la la
Make a new wreath for our door fa la la la, la la la la


Build a chicken coop out back fa la la la la, la la la la
Eggs and chicken poop we do not lack fa la la la, la la la la


Planting gardens, growing food fa la la, la la la, la la la

Urban farmers in a good mood fa la la la la, la la la la

Michelle and Lisa transform apartment fa la la la la, la la la la
Marions help in the yard department fa la la la la, la la la la

Loving the community living fa la la, la la la, la la la
It is daily so life-giving fa la la la la, la la la la


Take countless foster classes fa la la la la, la la la la
Inspections, paperwork by the masses fa la la la la, la la la la

Getting licensed, finally finished fa la la la, la la la, la la la
Excitement still has not diminished fa la la la la, la la la la 


Get a baby girl in our home fa la la la la, la la la la
My emotions are as solid as foam fa la la la la, la la la la

Learning, loving, adjusting to change fa la la, la la la, la la la
Unpredictable life is strange fa la la la la, la la la la


Trust our sovereign God forever fa la la la la, la la la la
Especially in this endeavor fa la la la la, la la la la

Saving, restoring for his glory fa la la, la la la, la la la
Praise him for our life story fa la la la la, la la la la


Or something like that.  We are thankful for this year and what the Lord has done.  When I think of all the adventures packed into our marriage so far, I almost have a panic attack of what is to come 10 years from now.  But thankfully I only have to think about today.  Today I have a loving husband and two precious children to love and care for.  So many blessings to dwell on this Christmas.  I hope you all can find beauty in the ashes and find hope of restoration in the darkest of places this season... for Christ has come to save the world.  Merry Christmas to all. 

New Beginnings

If I was sane, I would be taking a nap right now.  But instead I am drinking coffee and writing… because that’s what crazy people do, right?  They intake a gross amount of caffeine and then purge their thoughts, ideas, and feelings in one way or another.  Sometimes the result is a positive contribution to society.  Other times not so much.  I hope this is the former.

I am already rambling.

Our life has changed a bit in the past few days.  Didn’t you know we are glutens for change?  Marriage, baby, people moving in and out of our homes, buying a house, taking on urban farming practices.  Change, change, change!  We love it!  And by “we” I mean “exclusively Otha”.  This current change, however, I am taking quite well.  I have been awaiting this event in my life for a very, very long time. 

Monday we received the news that we were officially licensed foster care parents.  After all the hours put into training, inconvenient house changes to meet inspection requirements, asking our housemates to jump through hoops to meet qualifications, the day finally had arrived.  We were relieved and excited. 

Less than 24 hours later, I received a phone call asking if we were ready for a placement.  What?!  Thus began the process.  Call Otha and make a decision together.  Call the case worker back.  Case worker calls three more times with new information.  We might not get the placement.  We might get the placement.  Can we do XYZ if we get the placement.  See you in an hour to bring you the child.  Just like that ladies and gentlemen. 

There were so many small things were in place to prepare our life for this change:

*I oddly did the majority of housework and laundry Sunday and Monday night, which is not the norm for me.  But our home was clean and ready for another little one. 

*Rachael and Juliette were already planning on coming over that afternoon.  So I not only had their emotional support, but they were a huge help watching other kiddos while paperwork was being completed.  Juliette stayed for a long time holding our new little friend so that Otha and I could get baby stuff down from the attic.

*Conveniently, we are part of a Meal Co-op every Tuesday night, so dinner was already going to be prepared for us that night.

*Asher’s attachment to Otha has been growing significantly over the past few weeks.  This has been such a blessing to help alleviate jealously issues for Asher as I spend the majority of my time holding another baby. 

I could go on an on.  It’s so fun to see how God put every single little piece in place to make this work well. 

Asher has been taking full advantage of my divided focus.  Thus far, he has eaten part of a banana peel, tried to climb in the toilet, and brought me items out of the kitchen trash can… all when I leave the room for about 60 seconds.  Needless to say, this new addition to the family has benefited his curiosity.  Asher also loves being close to the new baby girl.  Close is an understatement.  He likes to try to roll on her, lay his head on her head, pet her face, kiss her until he has engulfed her tiny body.  I am pretty sure I have saved her life 36 times already from the monstrous boy trying to love her to death.  Although he has some moments of wanting to be held at the same time, I have been impressed with his adjustment up to this point.  Tomorrow could be a totally different story.  But I have stopped thinking and talking about “tomorrows” because tomorrows are unpredictable.  I know I just have to keep these two little ones alive, safe, and healthy today. 

I have surprisingly kept my emotions in tact.  Thank you adrenalin.  My mind however is like a hamster running on a wheel.  There is a mad dash in my brain between logistical thoughts to keep the day rolling smoothly and deep contemplation about all the factors dictating this little girl’s life.  Well great, now I lied about my emotions; typing that last sentence brought on the tears.  This tiny baby has no idea how many people are involved in the workings of her life- past, present, and future.  It’s overwhelming for me to have the privilege of holding her in this very moment to help her feel deeply loved and cared for.  It’s even more overwhelming when I wish that her biological mom could be holding her in this very moment instead of me.  I grieve for both of them missing out on each other on this day.  But there is hope for change and hope for this missing out on each other to cease one day.  In the spirit of Advent, we hope in anticipation for God to show up and do something great.

Between meals, phone calls, texts, emails, baby items, errands run for us, we feel an inexpressible gratitude for all the love and support we have been given the past few days.
I love that we can embark on journeys such as foster care and have such a wonderful community to travel with along the way.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Well, Asher’s nap is coming to an end and another cup of coffee awaits my tired body.  I will forge on and embrace another afternoon in this new, beautifully terrifying season of life.

Living in Community... With Chickens.

Yes, my friends.  That's right.  In addition to the 6 adults and 1 child living on the property, we now have ten feathery creatures.  I wish I could gush about how much I love those little animals...
"The way they peck so sweetly at the ground, flap their gorgeous wings, and greet you with a cluck- it's simply beautiful".  However the gushing about chickens does not come naturally to me.  I blame the gushing of their poop for my lack of love.  Poop everywhere.  All the time.  Thankfully, up to this point the chickens have been kept in their coop so the poop has been contained.  This week they are officially being promoted to free-range chickens and their poop can "nourish" our yard.

This morning I took it upon myself to be responsible and let the chickens out for the day.  The trick is to only let the older 8 chickens out of the coop and keep the 2 little chicks inside (so they don't get eaten by the cats, dogs, or children that have attempted to get them this past week).  So just close the door before the chicks run out with the older pullets, right?  Wrong.  The chicks run in the midst of the pullets out of the coop, fast as lightening.  So then I had a dilemma- "how do I get the 2 chicks back in the coop?".  Any normal human would just pick them up and place them back inside.  But remember, I think they are gross.  I don't want to touch them or get pooped on.  And I forgot to mention I am holding Asher this whole time because he is scared of being down on the ground with the chickens.  So I grab a large stick hoping to herd the chicks back inside.  Instead I just scared all the chickens into a corner where the chicks were hiding amongst the others.  Fail.  Plan B, herd all of the chickens back in the coop... then try to just herd the big ones out again.  All the chickens except the chicks went back in the coop.  Fail.  Plan C, pick up the chicks and place them in the coop through the top door while the others go out of the coop through the bottom door.  Two older chickens stayed inside, one chick escaped the coop by squeezing between the wire, and of course I had to touch the chickens.  Fail.

Luckily in the midst of this circus, my fellow commune dweller Lisa came out in the yard.  She quickly jumped in to help, after laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.  With some discussion and more failed attempts at keeping the 2 chicks in and the rest out, I decided to put them all back in the coop.  I was not going to have those little chicks die on my watch.  So Lisa grabbed a large piece of wood, I had my stick, and we comically herded all of the chickens back in the coop... except one little chick.  Ugh.  I handed Asher to Lisa and chased that fast, little chick around until I caught it and put it back in the coop.

Besides the terrible smell, gross talons, and poop everywhere, I think I could learn to like these birds.  When they are in their coop, I feel bad for them.  I become attached to them through empathy and imagine they have elaborate thoughts, feelings, dreams for their lives.  I adore them from afar.  It's the up close and personal day to day care-taking that I am not wild about.  But I am their woman and they are my children.  Otha is back at work and eventually Josh and Merinda will take another trip to Ghana.  That leaves me with the chickens.

The coop Otha and Josh built.  Manly Men.

The men also kindly built this fence so that they chickens don't poop all over our back patio.  Thanks guys.

One day we will have fresh eggs and I will cuddle those chickens in thankfulness for feeding our family.  But for now, I will keep my distance and herd them with a stick.

Grumps About Frumps

A few days ago, my friend and I were discussing very important topics such as sweating and choosing paint colors.  Somewhere in between the exchanged intellect, we stumbled upon the subject of clothing and how much confidence women derive from what they wear.  This got me thinking about "frumpy moms".  If you have never heard that phrase before, you have probably never hung around moms for more than thirty minutes.  The phrase is bound to reach the surface of conversation.  


According to my good friend Dictionary.com, the definition of "frumpy" is 

frumpy or frumpish  (ˈfrʌmpɪ, ˈfrʌmpɪʃ)
— adj
	(of a woman, clothes, etc) dowdy, drab, or unattractive I hear "frumpy mom" used in sentences such as: *(In response to a clothing compliment)"Thanks!  Don't want to be a frumpy mom!" *"No need to look like a frumpy mom, you know?" *"Ugh, I just feel like a frumpy mom." It's apparently the worst of the worst.  No one wants to be a frumpy mom.  But my question is why?  What is so, so terrible about not being up to date with the latest fashion while you are raising children?   This should be the most forgiving season of life when it comes to being trendy.  You are raising small human beings who poop on themselves, sling yogurt at your face, and always end up with something sticky in their hair.  Why would I want to spend time putting on face foundation when my toddler is going to wipe with banana fingers on my cheek?  Or wear an adorable shirt when it's guaranteed my little boy will want to be picked up when he is filthy from playing outside?  Or wear heels when I am chasing around a tiny person all. day. long.? This past weekend we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant and I was observing the crowd around me.  With this "frumpy" subject on my mind, I spotted a women who would most likely be labeled with the Frump Card.  I watched her interact with her family and friends and guess what?  She was confident, seemingly satisfied, and most importantly showed love and affection to her children who were sitting with her.  I'm pretty sure she was not about to fall off the face of the earth because of her "dowdy, drab, or unattractive" outfit.   It seemed as if her ability as a mom was not crumbling due to her clothes.  I'm not sure what women think will happen if they become "frumpy".  Maybe they will transform into an alien with three more sets of arms (which would actually be a miraculous asset in raising multiple children). Or better yet, maybe they will curl up in a permanent ball and only be able to somersault wherever they want to go.  Or who knows, maybe frumpy moms wake up with a tattoo covering their entire body saying "I will never be as good of a mom as you because your garments are better than mine"... in greek, because that's trendy these days. I am not saying I do not struggle with wanting to look cute.  I do.  Way more so than I wish to admit.  But I do not want to live in fear of this lurking invisible monster that eats your fashionable wardrobe and turns you into the dreaded "frumpy mom".  That monster is not real.  However, I kind of wish that monster existed simply to give us all a reality check of what is important.   I am not saying we should all strive for frump, but maybe we should become a little less concerned with whether we are frumpy moms or not.   So here is my tribute to those moms who care more about other things than their clothes.  Thank you for setting an example that outfits don't matter, fashion fades, and time is better spent with people than in front of the mirror or  digging through your closet.  Thank you for showing me that lacking in the cute department does not mean you are neglecting yourself as a woman and as a mom... I am pretty sure you still brush your teeth and wash your armpits.  Thank you for finding your confidence elsewhere that appearance.  Even if you don't realize you are not in fashion because you are completely oblivious to societal trends, that's a rare gem that would benefit us all.

Settling into Marriage

-I'm about to hang up this frame. *drill in hand*

-Wait!  Where are you going to put it?? 

-I don't know.  Probably right here.  That's what we talked about.

-Yea, but I'm not totally sure that's where I want it.  

-Right, but I'm tired of the frame sitting out on the table.

-I know, I just need to think more about exactly where I want it.  

-I'm going to put it on the wall today or it goes in the attic.

-No!  I don't want it in the attic... I just don't know where I want it yet.

-*Big sigh* 

-Ok, that's fine we can put it here.  

-Great.  *Begins putting drill up to wall*

-Wait!!  Are we sure that's centered?  

-Yep.

-But is it too high?  

-Not everything needs to be low.

-I know but I don't want it too high.

-*Drill in wall*

-Wait, wait, wait... is that level?  

-Yes, it's level.

-Are you sure? 

-*Sigh* what do you think?

-.... Yea, it looks pretty level to me.  

-Great.

-Thanks for putting that up.

-No problem....  Now it's time for the bulletin board.  

-Wait!  Where are you going to put it??

And the cycle continues.  

Putting a home together is a great way to learn more about your spouse.  Otha and I have had the lovely opportunity to see our different personalities clash, stretch, and surrender to the other over the past few months.  Unlike Otha, I looove taking time to think about where I want each and every item placed in our home until I am 100% confident.  The problem is I am rarely 100% confident in a decision.  So until I am absolutely sure, stuff sits in piles around the house.  Otha hates piles.  Piles taunt him as a constant reminder that he cannot fully relax because projects await him.  Nails need to hammered, pictures need to be hung, furniture needs to be painted.  I, on the other hand, love nestling amongst the piles knowing that there is such potential for home.  The more I sit with the piles, the more excited I get.  A part of me withers when an item departs from the pile to go on the wall prematurely.  From then on, I can't help but think the item belonged somewhere else, in a different position, hung in a different way.  Don't worry- I am well aware how ridiculous I am.

Thanks to Otha's need for piles to disappear, however, we are almost completely settled in to our home.   I am learning to appreciate these parts of Otha that sometimes drive me crazy.  What I may initially see as a negative trait, more often then not that characteristic turns out to benefit our family.  I am consistently reminded that God truly created Otha and I as opposites in the best way.  Although it sounds cliche, Otha's strengths are my weaknesses and his weaknesses are my strengths.  In the moment communication seems impossible,  our interactions are frustrating, but over time I see the perfect fit of our craziness resulting in balance.  We make a great team when we surrender to the other.

With that, I raise my glass to two years of marriage.  Two years of learning, failing, laughing, crying, fighting, surrendering, and loving each other in the best ways that we know how.  I am deeply thankful to the Lord for giving me Otha Graham to lead our family.  Even when he hangs things on the wall prematurely.

June 12, 2012  Two Year Anniversary

And of course our offspring:

The Miracle

Since I mentioned in the last post that we were hoping for a miracle to pay for our A/C replacement, I figured I should give an update.  Ladies and Gentlemen- we have a miracle.

Saturday I was desperately trying to crunch numbers, weigh all of our options, and continuing to beg God to show His provision.  Otha could tell I was in thinking mode simply due to my furrowed forehead all morning.  Finally, Otha informed me at 1:40pm that I had until 2:00pm to think/be far, far away in my brain and then I needed to return to reality.  To be present.  *I am so thankful for my husband!*  The best solution I could come up with to sort out my thoughts was to call my dad.  He is wise and my parents handle money really well.  So I poured out all my thoughts to him over the phone and he helped me come up with a few possibilities to come up with $6500 in the next week with as little interest penalty/debt as possible.  By 2:00 I was ready to move forward with some ideas and felt a tad bit more at ease.  However I still felt the weight of having to pay off this huge expense over the upcoming months along with somehow paying for other house expenses like our broken water heater.

Maybe an hour and a half later, my parents called.  They informed me that there was money left from my Gramps after he died several years ago.  In fact, they had been trying to figure out the right time to gift us with $10,000.  That's right, $10,000.  For some of you that may be a small portion of what you have in savings or even your checking account.  But for us, it felt like winning the lottery.  I felt completely overwhelmed and once again absolutely blown away by how God provides.  I had been praying all week that God would either fix our A/C or flat out give us the money to fix it.  Then our comgroup prayed for His provision in this area also.  It seems crazy to pray for God to fix your A/C.  But it seems ten thousand times crazier to not pray for that and then miss out on how He wants to show His power.  I am filled with awe and joy.

Not only is it great to see God blow us away with such a surprise gift, but this has also made Otha and I feel more connected to and thankful for my Nana and Gramps.  We are thankful for the way they chose to love future generations.  This gets us excited to also invest in future generations spiritually, financially, and any other way that God calls us to leave a kingdom legacy that can be built upon.

So that's that.  We prayed.  God provided.

Our New Normal

Since we have moved, I feel that my life is completely different.  Yet Otha still goes to his same job, groceries still need to be purchased, and Asher still needs to be taken care of.  My environment has just changed.

We are currently sleeping in the garage apartment since we had a surprise delay of floor installation in the main house.  Thus our kitchen and living room are functional while the rest of the house waits to be completed.  When we found out very last minute that the floors would not be installed until June, I was pretty frustrated.  Of course people told me "there is probably a reason that the floors won't be in yet".  And of course I wanted to roll my eyes and say "Nope, not this time. No reason for this ridiculous, inconvenient circumstance".  Yet here I am so thankful that we are not yet fully living in the house.  Why?  Oh, because our A/C quit working the night we moved everything from our apartment to our house.  In fact, our whole A/C system apparently needs to be replaced.  So in the meantime we are sleeping in the garage apartment with a fully functional window unit.  So thankful!  *Not thankful that our A/C has completely died, but thankful that we did not move all our stuff and ourselves into a steaming hot house.

Our friends the Marions also moved in this week into one of our bedrooms.  They, on the other hand, are sweating it out in the house being absolute champs about it.  Luckily they are some of the most low maintenance roommates and have not slapped us in the face for inviting them to live with us in a sana.

We are hoping for a miracle and also trying to figure out where to go from here.  Apparently replacing an entire A/C unit is equivalent in cost to adopting a child domestically.  So expensive.  Today we will have a second opinion and we will continue expecting and knowing that God will provide for us in one way or another.  He always does and I am always delighted to see how He does it.  We are confident that He wanted us to buy this house, so we are confident that he is not blown away that our A/C is broken and wants us to learn more about him through this.

A few more initiations into home ownership include a water heater not working, Asher's poop that was flushed in the garage apartment showing up in the main house toilet, and installation fees for basically everything.  The adventure has begun.

I have also started cloth diapers this week.  I. Hate. Asher's. Poop.  On. Cloth.  HATE, I tell you.  Trying to scrape it off into the toilet without a sprayer or diaper liner resulted in poop on my hands, Asher biting my arm while I was kneeling, and me leaving the diaper insert in the toilet for hours.  Sick. Thankfully I have my diaper hero, Courtney Stasny, who provided a sprayer AND liners for us to use while I adjust to this new world.

On a positive note:  we have a washer and dryer.  After going to the laundry mat for two years dragging my pregnant belly and then out-of-the-womb child with me, I am SO, SO thankful for a washer and dryer.  I want to wash everything, all the time, because I can.  Wash, wash, wash.

So that's the Graham update.  New house, new expenses, new adventures.  Loving it.