New Beginnings

If I was sane, I would be taking a nap right now.  But instead I am drinking coffee and writing… because that’s what crazy people do, right?  They intake a gross amount of caffeine and then purge their thoughts, ideas, and feelings in one way or another.  Sometimes the result is a positive contribution to society.  Other times not so much.  I hope this is the former.

I am already rambling.

Our life has changed a bit in the past few days.  Didn’t you know we are glutens for change?  Marriage, baby, people moving in and out of our homes, buying a house, taking on urban farming practices.  Change, change, change!  We love it!  And by “we” I mean “exclusively Otha”.  This current change, however, I am taking quite well.  I have been awaiting this event in my life for a very, very long time. 

Monday we received the news that we were officially licensed foster care parents.  After all the hours put into training, inconvenient house changes to meet inspection requirements, asking our housemates to jump through hoops to meet qualifications, the day finally had arrived.  We were relieved and excited. 

Less than 24 hours later, I received a phone call asking if we were ready for a placement.  What?!  Thus began the process.  Call Otha and make a decision together.  Call the case worker back.  Case worker calls three more times with new information.  We might not get the placement.  We might get the placement.  Can we do XYZ if we get the placement.  See you in an hour to bring you the child.  Just like that ladies and gentlemen. 

There were so many small things were in place to prepare our life for this change:

*I oddly did the majority of housework and laundry Sunday and Monday night, which is not the norm for me.  But our home was clean and ready for another little one. 

*Rachael and Juliette were already planning on coming over that afternoon.  So I not only had their emotional support, but they were a huge help watching other kiddos while paperwork was being completed.  Juliette stayed for a long time holding our new little friend so that Otha and I could get baby stuff down from the attic.

*Conveniently, we are part of a Meal Co-op every Tuesday night, so dinner was already going to be prepared for us that night.

*Asher’s attachment to Otha has been growing significantly over the past few weeks.  This has been such a blessing to help alleviate jealously issues for Asher as I spend the majority of my time holding another baby. 

I could go on an on.  It’s so fun to see how God put every single little piece in place to make this work well. 

Asher has been taking full advantage of my divided focus.  Thus far, he has eaten part of a banana peel, tried to climb in the toilet, and brought me items out of the kitchen trash can… all when I leave the room for about 60 seconds.  Needless to say, this new addition to the family has benefited his curiosity.  Asher also loves being close to the new baby girl.  Close is an understatement.  He likes to try to roll on her, lay his head on her head, pet her face, kiss her until he has engulfed her tiny body.  I am pretty sure I have saved her life 36 times already from the monstrous boy trying to love her to death.  Although he has some moments of wanting to be held at the same time, I have been impressed with his adjustment up to this point.  Tomorrow could be a totally different story.  But I have stopped thinking and talking about “tomorrows” because tomorrows are unpredictable.  I know I just have to keep these two little ones alive, safe, and healthy today. 

I have surprisingly kept my emotions in tact.  Thank you adrenalin.  My mind however is like a hamster running on a wheel.  There is a mad dash in my brain between logistical thoughts to keep the day rolling smoothly and deep contemplation about all the factors dictating this little girl’s life.  Well great, now I lied about my emotions; typing that last sentence brought on the tears.  This tiny baby has no idea how many people are involved in the workings of her life- past, present, and future.  It’s overwhelming for me to have the privilege of holding her in this very moment to help her feel deeply loved and cared for.  It’s even more overwhelming when I wish that her biological mom could be holding her in this very moment instead of me.  I grieve for both of them missing out on each other on this day.  But there is hope for change and hope for this missing out on each other to cease one day.  In the spirit of Advent, we hope in anticipation for God to show up and do something great.

Between meals, phone calls, texts, emails, baby items, errands run for us, we feel an inexpressible gratitude for all the love and support we have been given the past few days.
I love that we can embark on journeys such as foster care and have such a wonderful community to travel with along the way.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Well, Asher’s nap is coming to an end and another cup of coffee awaits my tired body.  I will forge on and embrace another afternoon in this new, beautifully terrifying season of life.