Home Birth and Hospital

To wrap up the birth experience, I wanted to write down answers to some questions I have been asked the past 2 weeks.

Do you regret going the home birth route considering how everything turned out?

Absolutely not.  At NO POINT have I regretted choosing to have a midwife and labor at home even though we ended up transporting to the hospital.  The reasons we chose to do a home birth in the first place still stand just as strong.  First off, we still were able to form a relationship with Erin that I am ever-so thankful for.  The fact that Asher came out in the hospital does not change the facts that...
* Erin came to our home for each visit
* I never had to waste time in a waiting room
* She genuinely cared about getting to know us
* There was never a time crunch during pre-natal appointments because of other patients
* I never had to talk to a receptionist or nurse before getting my questions answered.  Erin responded to every text and phone call quickly and usually followed up the next day to double check on how things were going.

Also, I am so grateful we were able to labor at home.  I still was able to experience labor in my own environment with music, lighting, and all the people I wanted to be there.  And it's the little things that count, like getting to pee in your own toilet every hour instead of a random toilet in the hospital or knowing that I am the one who purchased the washcloth that is being put on my neck.  A huge thing was also the contrast of nurses constantly in and out of the room verses Erin taking a hands off approach and let me labor how I needed to and how I wanted to.  She sat back and watched, answered questions when I had them, and gave positive encouragement through the whole journey.  I could also eat and drink what I wanted and when I wanted it- which was a huge blessing for my energy level.

Another great aspect about laboring at home was the lack of time pressure.  At no point did I feel that if I did not push Asher out before a certain hour mark that I would need intervention; I knew that my body would do what it needed for as long as it could before we would need to seek help.  If we had started out labor in the hospital, there is no way they would have let me labor for 38 hours.  And as much as it hurt, I am SO thankful that I was able to experience child birth pain without medication the first 33 hours.  The fact that I did not have the option at home helped me put my game face on and focus on labor instead of focusing on when I could be given medication.  I really felt like I got to experience the agony a woman's body goes through trying to push out another human.  Weirdly enough, I am so thankful for that experience.

The list is endless of why we chose a home birth and why those reasons are deeply rooted despite circumstances.  But you get the gist.  If I had the chance to rewind time, I would still chose a home birth.

Do you regret transporting to the hospital?

Again, absolutely not.  If Asher's head had not been turned sideways and stuck in my pelvis, then sure, I would regret transporting.  I feel like I could have pushed him out.   But that was not reality.  The reality is that there was nothing else we could do to get him out with the energy level I had and the way he was positioned.  In the last hour, I told Otha I had nothing left in me.  With Otha's encouragement, we tried the last tactic possible of pushing before deciding to transport.  If I had not tried the last option and transported, then I probably would regret transporting.  I would always wonder, "what if I had just tried one last time at home?".  But I did try everything and Asher was still stuck.

We knew upfront and told plenty of people that we were not anti-hospital.  If we needed help, we would get help.  Choosing a home birth was not about completely avoiding the hospital setting... it was about choosing to have an intervention-free labor if the labor was free of complications.  We fully believe that doctors and nurses are used to save lives every day when it is needed.  We did not want to waste their time with a delivery if it was not needed and we could do it with the help of a fully trained midwife.  But we did need help, so we went and got help.  No shame.

Overall, Otha and I both feel that we were blessed with the best team of nurses and doctors to finish off labor considering we started out at home.  At first we got the crazy looks and comments from the nurses until Erin showed them my legitimate charts and blood work.  Once they knew we were not irresponsible people who up and decided to try it ourselves, their skepticism turned into kindness and support.  Our head nurse and the doctors told us multiple times "We want to honor your original birth plan"... "We know you can push him out since that is what you were going for at home"... "We know you want this to be as intervention-free as possible"... "We want to try ____ first since that is what you would have wanted at home".  I cannot express how thankful we were for all of their support.  We could have been with a staff who threw our birth plan out the window or who thought we were crazy even after looking at my official chart.  But they did everything possible to help us avoid a C-Section and then let me have skin to skin time right after Asher was born, breastfeed shortly after, etc... All the things that we requested were granted with that first hospital team we worked with.  For the next few days we were "that couple who did the home birth/midwife thing".  It was our new identity with every new shift of nurses we had and hospital staff that we interacted with.  So we still had some friction with staff that were not on board with our requests in the hospital, but honestly it did not matter considering the treatment we had with the labor team.

Are you disappointed you had to transport to the hospital?

Yes.  Although it was the necessary thing to do, everything in me wanted to have Asher at home.  I wanted to hold him for an infinite amount of time after he was born, help give him his first bath, watch Erin weigh him for the first time.  I wanted to take a shower in my own bathroom after giving birth and then climb into my own bed with Otha and Asher and rest together.  I wanted our first few days as a family to be in our apartment instead of a hospital room.  I wanted to be free of an IV hanging out of my arm for 3 days.  I wanted Asher to be free from being taken away to the nursery every day for testing.  I wanted to give birth to my son without any medical intervention and experience what so many women have experienced before me.  I wanted to be free from laying in a hospital bed on my back when pushing Asher out.  I wanted to be free from stereotypes that hospitals are the only "safe" option for giving birth to a child.  I wanted to prove that home birth can be done and it can be a beautiful experience.

I dread people knowing that we transported simply for the sake of people doubting home births.  That is the most disappointing thing about our circumstance for me, that people will still have a negative view of using a midwife instead of an OB.  But it was not the fact that we were at home or the fact that we were under Erin's care that we had to transport and I really, really want people to know that.  We transported because I had nothing left in me and Asher's head was stuck.  Reminder- it took 5 different people at the hospital trying to turn his head and ripping my insides open to do so.  So it was not a "home birth issue", it was a circumstance issue.  Ok, I am glad I got that out.  I still encourage EVERY WOMAN who gets pregnant to seriously consider all of her options for childbirth.  If you still chose a hospital- that is great, I am just glad that you did your research and took the time to think about it.  That is my desire more than people choosing to use a midwife, is for people to take the time and actually think about all of the possible avenues to take instead of just going with the flow of society.  Ok, I could go on forever.  I am stepping off my soap box.

Recap- I loved shooting for a home birth, am thankful for the much needed help the hospital provided for us, and want all women to know there are options out there.

How could I talk about Asher and not put a picture of him?  Here he is...

Disclaimer:  We are not avid baseball fans.  In fact, neither of us really like watching baseball.  But we are so thankful for hand-me-down clothes!!!  Just didn't want anyone to get confused about the Graham family sports interest based on our son's clothing.