Saturday, February 28, 2015

New Community

Every season comes to an end.

Although people like to encourage me during difficult seasons by reminding me that it won't last forever, that every season comes to an end, I usually say it to myself in the easier seasons of life.  Soak up the blissful moments, but also know growing pains are to come.

To spare everyone details, Monday morning we called 911 due to Malia's health.  She has been an inpatient at Cook Children's Hospital ever since.  Despite all of her previous known health issues, this hospital stay is due to her endocrine system, which is completely new territory for our family.  I don't really like giving health updates because every day there are different guesses, answers, game plans from her medical team.  It feels exhausting to take in the information and then also relay it to others.

Yes, her health is terrifying.  But along with that it has been scary to let new people into our journey with Malia.  In the past, we had a community and friends who we had done life with for a long time before Malia was even placed in our home.  I felt safe in Houston knowing that we had a solid support system.  We have only lived in Fort Worth for 7 months, which does not feel long enough to open up this part of our lives to new friends.

The word that comes to mind is vulnerability.  I feel completely vulnerable needing help, especially the help that we needed this past week.  It's not like I have been pouring into these people for years and have held their hands through tough times.  I still feel like the new girl in the neighborhood and the new girl in our church and the new girl in a circle of friends.  To be new and plead for help is humbling.  To say "I have not given anything to you in the past, yet I need so much from you in this moment" challenges me on countless levels.

I told Otha Monday evening that it feels so awkward to even tell new friends what is happening in our life.  Do I text the people I partially know, but want to know more to inform them Malia had to be taken in an ambulance?  Or do I wait until the next time I naturally see them and mention that our life got crazy, but now everything is back to normal?  But this is a HUGE part of my life.  I have a daughter with special needs, who spends long periods of time living in hospitals, who has 6 therapies a week plus numerous other medical appointments, who may be the same age as your kid but functions a year behind.  As much as I want to appear to be an easy person to really do life with, I come with a lot of responsibility.  I feel like I need to have people sign waivers before they decide to be my friend on a deeper level- a disclaimer explaining that when Malia gets sick, our whole life gets crazy and my friends help hold us together.

This past week I found myself really without a choice.  Both Asher and I had a stomach bug, so I could not be with Malia at the hospital and my parents could not watch Asher because he was contagious and Otha still needed to go to work.  And you know what happened?  I had to take down all of my pride and ask for help.  And people just kept blessing us.  Over and over.  People brought over bags and bags of food and supplies for me and Asher, my mom spent several days at the hospital with Malia so that Otha could go to work, neighbors dropped off dinners, friends brought over activities to keep Asher busy while I was really sick.  And they just won't stop.  Within hours of creating a list of things we will need next week, all the slots were filled with names who are willing to sacrifice their time to make our life easier.  I cannot count the number of times I have wept with thankfulness and humility this week.  I am completely overwhelmed by how gracious the Lord has been in providing people who are taking care of us.

So thank you to everyone that we have pulled into this messy life of ours- I am truly blown away by your generosity, kindness, and eagerness to help.  And don't worry, this crazy season of our life will come to an end.

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